Kim Jong Il Wins Reelection!

"Unh. Unh. Yeeeah. Hahaaaa!"

Start poppin' bottles and get ready to get doo doo dum because our favorite lil dictator Kim Jong Il has been re-elected into office with an unprecedented 99.98% of the votes! The remaining .12% could not be found for comment. This means great things to come for the nation of North Korea! The Korean Central News Agency discovered that just a few weeks ago, winter ended early due to Kim Jong Il's birthday. 

"Those who witnessed the opening of willow catkins earlier than the previous years and the unprecedented nocturnal view said excitedly that even the nature and the sky unfolded such mysterious ecstasy in celebration of the birthday of leader Kim Jong-Il," reports the most credible news source available. I have no doubt that this 5 foot dynamo can couple his control over the powers of the world itself and his dope-ass sunglasses (sincerely, those are tight) and bring nothing but prosperity to his people during his 5 year term. 

Tonight, go get buckwild to celebrate this little dude's continuation of power. I know, I know, its Tuesday, but if you do not enjoy yourself on this glorious historic day and set up an arrangement of Kimjongilias, the national flower of North Korea (not kidding) you might not get another chance. 

Here's a bumpin' new remix of Spank Rock by The Company Kang for you to get yo grind on to:

Spank Rock - Bump (The Company Kang Remix)